How to Avoid Shiny Object Syndrome - A nervous system practice for neurodivergents

Have you ever noticed that when you’re in the middle of your ‘most important’ task, you’re actually doing a bunch of other things at the same time?

For neurodivergent people, we know that we do it, but we are seldom aware that we are doing it when we’re in it.

It’s so normal to multi-task, that we hardly even notice HOW MANY things we are doing simultaneously unless we are being mindful.

So the next time you’re in a flap, stop and count them! I dare you!

I recall a moment when I was in the middle of cooking dinner. Instead of focusing on making a beautiful meal to nourish my body, I was trying to cram as many other things I could do in the kitchen into that time as well.

This habit, which feels natural to many of us, is actually a nervous system response to feeling unsafe in some way. When we don’t feel like we’re ‘enough’, we try to do more. And when we can’t get ‘more’ done, we come back to ‘not being enough’ and so the cycle goes on – and on.

Even though your mind might try to convince you that you need to get on with the rest of your to do list – bring in some distraction – doing more doesn’t necessarily equate to achieving more. And it certainly doesn’t add to your self-worth.

I like to look at this cycle – we can call it ‘shiny object syndrome’, or we can refer to it simply as multitasking – like a colour wheel. Our minds are always searching for the bright, fun colours; our minds don’t usually like settling on boring beige.

The thing is, most nervous systems don’t experience every colour as SAFE. Your nervous system also thrives in an environment of EASE and LOW EFFORT. So, in fact, we NEED to focus on beige to calm our nervous system so we can become aware of the habits we are perpetuating that don’t serve us.

Once we reach that point where we feel calm and grounded, we can start to notice that beige is actually quite beautiful. When seeking out other colours (i.e., distraction in other tasks), what your mind is doing is searching for pleasurable experiences. We might feel open to exploring the possibility of finding that in beige now our nervous system is more regulated.

It’s important to find a reliable and safe way to coax your nervous system into authentic enjoyment without overriding what you’re really feeling. One way to do this is to be present to the different shades of beige.

Beige gets a bad rap as a boring colour, but there are so many complexities in this colour. There are sandy tones and cappuccino tones, latte tones and caramel tones. It is a very rich and intricate colour, if we choose to notice. When your nervous system wants variety, you don’t have to shut that impulse down. But you will benefit from encouraging it in a way that is safe enough to invite your nervous system to expand instead of contract.

The bigger the expansion, the bigger – and more shocking – the contraction, which unfortunately reinforces our nervous system’s past experiences that expansion feels unsafe.

Instead, if you train your nervous system to be with an experience which your mind judges as ‘limited’, you get to build the muscle of your nervous system and re-program it away from seeking satisfaction and gratification in shiny objects just to feel alive, worthy and wanted.

So, with a prescription of ‘nothing too different or too challenging when you’re re-patterning your nervous system to release its attraction to shiny objects’, being curious about the many shades of beige can be a delightful and delicious exploration.

Here’s an easy recipe (practice) to get started:

1.      Observe the beige (anything that feels neutral to pleasant, or even mundane, but not aversive to you)

2.      Be curious about the many shades of beige (there are so many ordinary, everyday things you might allow into your awareness if you didn’t judge them as ‘boring’)

3.      Name the sensations you feel in your body connected to ‘being curious about the beige’

4.      Enjoy all the intricacies that beige offers

5.      Dive deeply into the sensations that arise in your body when you increase your ability to be present with the beige

6.      Revel in the visceral rewards that envelope you when you appreciate the beige

Method:

It is important not to discount any senses – this is not just a visual exercise. Being present to the responses of your other senses will afford you profound insights into the state of your nervous system.

Eventually, you will train your nervous system to find safety in every shade and variation of beige, with the occasional primary colour thrown in. This supports your nervous system to expand and allows you to become more flexible when life serves you lemons (you don’t ALWAYS have to make lemonade…maybe you could make a lemon chiffon pie once in a while – or something else…?).

Once you have mastered beige with a splash of colour, then you are free to experiment with different colour palettes to discover what you wish to create and experience in any given moment.

I have experienced profound shifts in my life and business as a result of being present with my nervous system. I used this particular process in my recovery from chronic fatigue and autistic burnout.

My passion is sharing trauma-informed nervous system principles to support and guide others to become more self-compassionate so they feel safe enough to infuse more compassion into the world and contribute to our collective awakening.

Read more about the nervous sytem here.

Support for neuro-sensitive healers

In my trauma-informed group counseling program for healers and neuro-sensitives, I teach this practice as well as other methods for eliminating overwhelm and patterns of protection, banishing procrastination and self-sabotage, and metabolising trauma that’s been holding neurodivergent practitioners back from thriving. All set within a safe container of shamanic wisdom practices.

Expansion Training for Healers is a 10-week group program for just 12 healers and neuro-sensitives, with plenty of individual support.

Doors are now open for the next round of Expansion Training for Healers, starting Tuesday 9th May, 2023.

If you’re curious how healing, expanding and training the nervous system can help you, book a co-regulation call to explore whether this trauma resolution therapy is for you.